24 4 / 2013

Bet you didn’t expect to hear from me for a while! WELL, like I said, since it’s nice outside, I’m using every excuse that I can to avoid exercise. If I tell Mom that I’m being productive and writing my blog, she lets me stay indoors. Suckaaaaaa, she’s so gullible. If I tell her that I have writers’ block, she gives me cookies. Seriously, she’s so easy. When she gets back from work, I put on my sad puppy dog eyes and then she pets me for 20-30 minutes, depending on how much I whine. It’s like stealing candy from a baby. Except NOT: I wouldn’t even need to steal the candy, people just give it to me cuz I’m that cute.

In fact, I had my first professional photo taken earlier this week for Vick’s fraternity composite. At first I was REALLY HYPER and wanted to play with everyone. I ran around and around and around until everyone seemed to get annoyed with me (I must’ve just been imagining that though because that’s impossible). Finally, I sat on this table and said CHEESEEEEEE (I LOVE CHEESE) for the camera.

The photographer started barking at me, so I got excited in this first photo. 

He was all like “UHHHH Bean, you’re gorgeous and all, but that’s too much tongue.”

And I was like:

WUT DID U SAY?!?!?!? 

The photographer apologized, and asked me to smile again. 

NO. ALSO: What are they doing over there…?

Then, they brought out the cookies. So I smiled. I’m no dummy. 

You can see the love in my eyes. For the cookie. It was so delicious.

Well, human friends, I’m off to sign my paw print on a few photos for my fans, then watch Cute 101 and take a snooooooze. I was up early this morning primping for my now-celebrity lifestyle. It takes a while to lick yourself clean, you know. 

TTYL,

Bean

09 4 / 2013

When I take a nice walk (with my annoying Mom next to me… WHY can’t I walk alone? I’m a whole year old now, and I can socialize much better without that ole lady tied to me by a leash. The leash is to keep her in line, ya know), a lot of people stop me and ask when I will do my next blog posting. I always reply with, “I’ve BEAN a lil BUSAYYYYY” and then give them lots of smooches so they don’t interpret my sassiness as totally rude. I like you ALL equally, I would never intentionally be rude … Unless you suck. 

In all honesty, I’ve been lazy. The cold winter months that Mom kept (annoyingly!!!!) warning me about … well, she was right. I think I napped for the entire month of February, and most of March. That white stuff that falls from the sky though … that stuff is AWESOME. 

But otherwise, I haven’t done much of anything. I really don’t like to exercise. I’ll chase a ball every now and then, but unless there is an ensuing reward in the shape of a delicious peanut butter cookie, I won’t participate for very long. I have priorities. Those include: Dogs 101, Law & Order: SVU, and ESPN. I like ESPN because people run around a lot chasing other people, which is what I like to do. So with all the napping, TV shows, and occasional exercise (YAWN, BORING), I have unintentionally neglected my job as an Internet sensation. BUT things are about to get better because it’s starting to get warm outside and I will now use the blog as an excuse to avoid exercise with Mom! You can expect more from me soon! Well actually not today because there is an SVU marathon on USA, but maybe later this week when I’m not SO swamped. Life is tough as a golden pupster.

Beanz

10 1 / 2013

Helloooooooo everyone! I’m so sorry for the delay on my postings, I’ve been a very busy pup the past month with Christmas and the New Year rollin’ right in — I BARELY had time to rip open all the new toys that Santa got me, and throw the stuffing all over the house. Don’t worry, I OBVIOUSLY managed to get that done. I’m not really sure who Santa is, because I definitely don’t remember sniffing him. Regardless, he brought me some AWESOME toys.

I was mid-way through opening this toy, when I saw a new person walking outside!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He didn’t stop by to say hello (rude), so I continued to struggle with this stupid red paper that was wrapped around my new toys. What’s the point of this paper anyway? I can’t even EAT IT. I mean, I tried, but my Mom said no. She obviously doesn’t understand that paper tastes delicious. 

SO MANY TOYS. SO LITTLE TIME!!!!!!!!!! 

So after ripping all the red paper off my new toys, then chewing holes in my new toys (ha ha ha SORRY SANTA), we went over to Belle & Penny’s house.

We played and played and played and played until…..

I got my first haircut. I don’t even want to TALK about it. 

A few days later, I went outside with Mom and there was this white stuff everywhere. It was cold, but also tasted delicious so I just kept eating it, along with dirt and other trash that I found underneath it … SURPRISE WIN!!!

I just kept jumping around and sticking my head in it because it was so fun!!!!!!! I think it’s only for pups who are really cute and well behaved, like myself. I mean, I never jump on anyone or get over-excited, so it must’ve been a reward for me ONLY (All you other pups — Nice try. There’s always next time). 

After Christmas, I just lounged around, played with my toys, napped, watched YouTube videos … My usual routine.

Now that the holiday season is over, I’m back to my busy schedule of napping while watching TV (During the break, I napped while watching TV, but only during Christmas movies … this is different). I’ve become fond of Animal Planet’s “Cute 101” because they have pups running around who are ALMOST as cute as I am, but not quite. 

I mean …. I can cross my legs, wink at the camera, AND snuggle with my toy slipper all at the same time. Can’t beat that!

Until next time….

Beanz

03 12 / 2012

Happy December, everyone! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been very productive since Thanksgiving (mainly because I was NOT allowed to eat everything in sight and get fat like all these humans around me). I have been looking forward to this whole Christmas thing because I’ve heard on the TV that there will be a lot of presents and cookies. Both of which I am a big fan of, so I’m very excited for this big shindig to start.

Mom took me to Petsmart and bought me some Christmas apparel. She says if I dress the part, Santa will bring me more cookies. THEREFORE: IF you see me wearing this stupid hat and/or bow around, it is not because I think it’s fashionable (PUH-LEASE, I know better). It’s because I know this makes me look cuter (didn’t know that was possible, but whatever), which will lead to more cookies. Didn’t think I could figure that out, did ya???

You can see in this photo that I need a bigger toy basket. If anyone would like to add that to their list of things to get me, I will even act surprised when you give it to me.

Now that I think about it… If I’m getting a bigger toy basket, I will need more toys. You can also add that to your list. I especially like the ones with fluff inside so I can tear it out, eat it, and then throw up everywhere.

I asked Santa for more cookies. He will obviously oblige. Who can resist me??

The answer: No one. Obviously.

13 11 / 2012

HELLOOOOO to all my fans!!

… I was expecting a standing ovation there, but whatever. 

So sorry for the delay with the posts, things have been very busy at the Bean household these days. For starters, I made my HOWLoween debut two weeks ago on the Lawn. Many of you may have seen me in all my glory. I was fabulous and one of, if not the, best dressed at that shindog. I mean dig. HA HA HA I crack myself up!!!

SO, my special day came with some costume drama of course. I couldn’t decide what to wear because, let’s face it, I look good in everything. Have you seen my toned legs and fluffy tail? Honestly it is embarrassing how many people tell me how gorgeous I am. PLEASE. I know that already.

ANYWAYS. I first tried out a cultural look:

But the scarf was itchy. HELLOOOOOO MOM, 100% cashmere ONLY. So, I decided maybe I should go for the “sporty but sexy” look:

I think we can all agree I pulled off the “sexy” part easily, but I don’t do “sports.” The only time I will run is if I’m chasing a big cookie (That’s why while I’m sleeping, I sometimes cry and move my legs like I’m running … Because I’m dreaming about the day when I can chase a big cookie around).

SO, since the sporty thing didn’t work for me, I decided to go with the lobster costume. 

Many of you may be wondering why I chose this. Well, I didn’t. My Mom did … Enough said. BUT, I decided to wear it because of a few reasons:

1. I’m adorable.

2. I liked to chew on the claws.

3. I don’t need a third reason. I’m Bean and I do what I want.

SOOOOO I finally got dressed, and we traveled to the lawn. Needless to say, I was a huge hit. 

I started the day off slow, with some casual sniffing. 

I also sniffed some human puppies. I didn’t want to limit my socialization to only dogs. It’s called networking, people.

Then things got a little rowdy, once that apple cider kicked in. WRESTLEMANIA!!!!! WOO(F)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But then I got sleeeeeeeeepy. And had a bad headache. And I felt nauseas. So I took a nap with a new pal.

Afterwards, I felt so refreshed! I was ready to play again! That’s when I met HIM. MY NEW BEST FRIEND. He was almost as cute as I am! (That is a requirement to being my best friend: You must be really stinkin cute, but NOT cuter than me. Not sure that’s possible, though).

After all of this excitement, I came home and napped for DAYSSSSSS, I was soooo sleepy! When I woke up, I expected a huge fan base to be waiting outside for me. They must not know where I live yet….

Still waiting, people……

- Ms. Bean

23 10 / 2012

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I told you I get busy, and boy have I been busy recently….

Did you know Sweet Frog has pumpkin pie froyo??????????

I ate so much, I had to take a nap.

THEN, I played scramble and beat EVERYONE. HELLOOOOOOO these paws are made for scramblin.

Being smarter than everyone and kicking their BUTTS really wears me out. So I HAD to take a nap with Mom. I could barely keep my eyes open! Gotta get my beauty rest, no one can just stay this gorgeous. ……. DISCLAIMER for future boyfriends: I am always the big spoon. 

Then, I watched Dexter. That show is AWESOME. But there aren’t any dogs in it. I’m thinking of having my agent set up a cameo appearance. That’s if my rap artist career doesn’t work out. HAHAHAHA like that would happen!!!!! I crack myself up sometimes.

Dexter marathons are exhausting, so I had to take a quick snoooooooze. I barely get any rest with all the socializing that I do.

Then, after waiting, and waiting, and waiting…..

I MADE A FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!

Her name is Annie. She is awesome. We played. She said she’d call … She will. I’m still waiting, but I’m not worried. NOT WORRIED, GUYS. Annie will call.

SO, as you can SEE, I’ve been very, very busy. Like I said, it’s a tough life being one cute pup. For my next public appearance, you will see me on the Lawn on Halloween in my costume. I mean, I always look gorgeous, but I’ll be a real looker next Wednesday, come and see for yourself! I’ll also be signing copies of Beanz Beatz, so be sure to bring yours so I can poop on it for you. You’re welcome.

LYLAD (love ya like a dog),

Bean

09 10 / 2012

Mom & I went home to see grandma and Poppy this weekend. You know what that means?? A CAR RIDE. I LOVEEEEEEE CAR RIDES. I stick my head out the window to get fresh air and then I slobber all over the windows because the air is cold and makes my nose run. It feels funny. I like it.

While we were home, I played with my cousins.

This is the cover of our new album “Bean’z beatz” (release date TBA). OBVIOUSLY I am the lead singer. Belle & Penny are my backup dancers (that’s why I’m in the FRONT of this photo.. can anyone say GLAM SHOT?!?). We also posed by a car to include the rim in the photo so we could get the “gangsta” vibe goin (not sure if I mentioned it, but this is a rap cd). My music career will be booming one day.. A pup can dream.

On Sunday, grandma made me a ton of cookies. They were delicious. I ate them all. SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I cried the whole way home, and kept looking behind me, hoping to see my grandma or Poppy. NOPE. NOTHING. Now I’m stuck with Mom and this stupid Halloween costume AGAIN. 

Until next time….

Ur fave rapper,

Beanz

04 10 / 2012

SORRY to everyone I drunk dialed and barked at last night. Things got a littleeee crazy. Boy was I WILD! Met tons of new people and licked them (OKAY FINE I just licked people I already knew. Whatever). All I’ll say is: there was a drinking game for the debate last night. And I love wine… I think that explains everything. 

01 10 / 2012

Happy first day of October, everyone. I wish I were as happy to start the new month. Mom tricked me!!! She said “Bean, I ordered something very exciting for you today!!” And I jumped on her and said “COOKIEZ?????”

You know what she said??????? She ordered me a “Halloween costume.” What. the. heck.

I am NOT happy about this. Happy Monday. Whatever.

26 9 / 2012

Hi! Welcome to my blog. My name is Perry Bean, but my friends (I have a lot of them) call me Bean. I am a gorgeous Golden Retriever pup, and I am very talented. I have a very exciting life so I thought I should create a blog to share my stories with all my fans (again, I have a lot… I’m really popular).

For some background information, you should know that I enjoy eating, taking naps, and COOKIES. I LOVE COOKIES. I also like to chew up my toys when Mom’s not home (like this piggie), and leave the remains all over the apartment! Sometimes, I even EAT the fluff inside and then THROW UP! It’s really funny. I especially like to do this when she is leaving for work so she is late and can spend more time with me (and feed me MORE COOKIES).

I was REALLY cute back in the day (I mean, I’m already beautiful, but MAN did I help my uncles score some babes). People told me I should be a dog model. I’m still considering it. I’m very slim despite all the cookies I eat. If you feed me cookies, I’ll even let you hold me!

Okay, this ONE photo is not exactly flattering of my stomach region, but I’m a girl, we all have body issues right?!? Plus I had a lot of cookies this day at the vineyard with Mom & Vick. OKAYYYY OKAY, and some wine.

Then I drove us home!!

Just kiddin. Wine makes me sleepy.

Anywayzzzzzz, I know I seem very sophisticated and intelligent (both true), but I AM still a dog, people!!! I’m not as tech savvy as the rest of you. Plus, my pawz are not so great for this keyboard. I could really use a manicure (MOMMMMMM!!!!!), but whatever. So check my blog from time to time to see what I’ve been up to, but I am WAYYYYYY too busy pooping in people’s yards to update every day. I will try my best!

Thanks for reading! Be back soon.

Puppy luv,

Bean